Part Twenty Three of The Alternative Red Dwarf
Someone, please - shoot me in the head.
Comments
After intensive investigation, comma, of the story in question, comma, it has become clear, comma, to me, comma, that we are dealing, comma, with someone who failed English, colon.
By Austin Ross on 03-06-05 @ 21:49
Her series VIII review. Read ALL of it. Go on, I dare you.
http://www.pguy.dircon.co.uk/eightset.htm
By Pete Martin on 03-06-05 @ 22:59
I want to stab her in the neck with an exclamation mark.
By Seb Patrick on 03-06-05 @ 23:01
Incidentally, the misuse of commas is SO similar to Rimmer's that, were any shred of intelligence more in evidence, I'd congratulate her on one of the greatest pieces of TV fandom-related parody ever.
By Seb Patrick on 03-06-05 @ 23:02
I've just read the first paragraph of her review. The way she writes reminds me of that kid in the wheelchair from Malcolm in the Middle.
By Cappsy on 03-06-05 @ 23:02
"and I really enjoyed the walk into the studio, where we saw great big cameras hanging over us, and we even walked over some cabling! But please don't have a heart attack if you read this, because the cabling, was covered by casing, and it was like walking on a platform, but you could see the cabling inside the casing, which was really quite an experience, to say the very least!"
Yes, cabling in that sort of stuff is rather thrilling. I love walking over cabling. Really makes my day.
By Mr Flibble on 03-06-05 @ 23:21
> Her series VIII review. Read ALL of it. Go on, I dare you.
>
> http://www.pguy.dircon.co.uk/eightset.htm
Sweet, merciful crap!
Even before the end of the first paragraph I had to remind myself why the hell I was reading this rubbish. And I didn't get more than half way in to the second before giving up.
Denny? Blockbusters? What the fuck?
By Smeghead2044 on 03-06-05 @ 23:30
I walked past some BT technicians working on underground cables the other day. I damn near came there and then.
By Ian Symes on 03-06-05 @ 23:31
The sad thing is, I could believe that.
Well, maybe if it was John.
By Seb Patrick on 03-06-05 @ 23:40
I greatly enjoy cabling, yes.
By John Hoare on 03-06-05 @ 23:49
(In fact, I am slightly worried that Seb appears to know me rather better than I thought. I obviously *am* rather too like this guy you know, Seb...)
As for the review - can I do my "intelligence circuits" quote again?
By John Hoare on 03-06-05 @ 23:51
I'd probably have sex with her anyway.
By Phil on 04-06-05 @ 00:19
Frankly I'd expect better from a published novelist, Phil. You're a disgrace to the species. Grahhh, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doooooooo...
By John Hoare on 04-06-05 @ 01:14
Well, you see, I'm not, entirely, sure, that this person, here, has, either, an unstuck comma key, on their keyboard, or, a fully working, and functional, brain.
Gah.
By antipodean on 04-06-05 @ 01:16
Skimmed through the beginning of the series VIII 'review'.
Where does the actual 'Red Dwarf series VIII' stuff begin?
By si on 04-06-05 @ 13:43
Getting the tickets : 303 words
What it's like seeing Blockbusters filmed : 316 words
Driving into and out of London, deciding whether or not to go to Shepperton, etc : 3,833 words
What it's like to queue : 452 words
Why it's not worth going to the cinema, and you might as well just watch films on the TV, as well as some guff about the Titanic : 3,321 words
Talking to people in the queue : 972 words
The sets, and the view from their seats : 661 words (this after the assertion "Now I am not going to go into great detail, about how the studio looks")
The warm-up man isn't Tony Hawks : 468 words
And then some stuff about the recording actually starts. Unfortunately, my brain melted before I could sift out the stuff about the filming, and the millions of digressions. Including the casual use of the word "Japs".
But. THREE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THREE WORDS ABOUT A CAR JOURNEY. Incidentally, the whole thing clocks in at 30,096 words. I'll leave you to work out the percentages.
By Seb Patrick on 04-06-05 @ 13:59
About a quarter of the way down. No, about a third.
(I speed-read it. That's the only way I read it without my head exploding.)
By antipodean on 04-06-05 @ 14:14
> Including the casual use of the word "Japs".
http://www.ganymede-titan.info/news/2004/november/07-0528.html
The sad thing is, there's the germ of a good article there - I'm *interested* in how the studio looked, dammit - but it's buried in bad English, huge amounts of waffle, and WRONGNESS.
By John Hoare on 04-06-05 @ 14:38
"Incidentally, the whole thing clocks in at 30,096 words."
I'm pretty sure I have to write less for my dissertation, or whatever the undergrad one is called. Mind you, it is computer science, but still. 30,000 words!
By Mr Flibble on 04-06-05 @ 18:54
>http://www.ganymede-titan.info/news/2004/november/07-0528.html
I must have missed that G&T article.
I DIDN'T KNOW SOME CUNT HAD STOLEN MY IDEA.
By Seb Patrick on 04-06-05 @ 20:33
But then, I did a whole series, so HE'S JUST LAME.
By Seb Patrick on 04-06-05 @ 20:34
If only it'd been true about the ending to the series, with the crew flying off in Blue Midget and Holly saying they could rebuild another Red Dwarf without Hollister and the rest of the crew being rebuilt also. To think the studio audience was fooled into thinking this was the end of the series when in fact it was just the fucking scene in BITFR part 3 where they think they're getting away but aren't. If only the last episode had been called 'Earth' and Pete been one episode called 'Captain's Office'. If only. If fucking only.
By performingmonkass on 04-06-05 @ 21:21
I didn't know the studio audience was fooled into thinking that!
That's very clever. Where did you hear that? Were you at the recording?
By John Hoare on 04-06-05 @ 21:24
> Including the casual use of the word "Japs".
I hear she's a racist, Father.
By antipodean on 05-06-05 @ 04:15
Well SHE was fooled into thinking that. But not deliberately I don't think. It seems she thought she was watching parts of 'Earth' being filmed when in fact it was BITFR part 3.
By performingmonkass on 05-06-05 @ 19:03
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